


The Seven Types of Love, as Defined by a Former Cardassian Spy, Or: Garak Talks About his Feelings

by NB_Cecil



Series: Doctors and Lizards [6]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: A Stitch in Time spoilers, Declarations Of Love, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Platonic Garashir, Platonic Love, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Cardassia, post-A Stitch in Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 22:43:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16543718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NB_Cecil/pseuds/NB_Cecil
Summary: After Doctor Bashir fails to take the hints Garak drops throughoutA Stitch in Time, Garak abandons his Cardassian subterfuge and—with the help of various philosophers—puts his feelings into words he hopes the Doctor can comprehend.





	The Seven Types of Love, as Defined by a Former Cardassian Spy, Or: Garak Talks About his Feelings

_My dear Doctor Bashir,_

_I do hope this correspondence finds you in good health._

_I have been reading a treatise on Earth philosophy. It has been most enlightening. I was especially taken with the Human concept of the Seven Types of Love and I’ve had an interesting time comparing them the Cardassian disposition. More on this later. First, I must tell you how things are here._

_We are slowly putting things back together. The power is on for a few hours most days now and we are getting quite adept at agriculture. My own garden yields enough for myself and a few extras for hungry neighbours. We haven re-established our schools and—of course—the tailoring work is still piling up. We are a long way from being able to manufacture new clothing. The dust is still ever-present and it’s blocking out the sun, causing the temperature to drop. I fear Cardassia is in for an ice age, Doctor! You would feel right at home—it’s a mere 37 Celsius today. I am wearing four layers, but I can still feel the cold._

_Besides the tailoring, tending the memorial and vegetable garden and propagating my orchids takes up most of my time. I was asked if I would consider going into politics, but this is my contribution to the new Cardassia, lest we forget what got us here in the first place. I still live in my shed, but I’ve built a greenhouse on the back and a porch at the front and it really is rather cozy. I’ve installed a stove for cooking and heating, although the smoke conspires with the dust to worsen my cough—You mustn’t worry though Doctor! It is but a tickle and I’m sure it will go once the dust clears._

_Anyway, the minutiae of my life is not the reason I sat down to write to you dear Doctor! I will not bore you with it further._

_On love!_

_As you are no doubt aware, you Humans have categorised the concept of love into seven distinct types. I believe us Cardassians have too, although we are much less open about the whole topic, preferring subterfuge and misdirection to mask our true emotions. We may not be as eloquent as you when it comes to our feelings, but perhaps it is due to us prioritising our types of love differently._

_1-_ Eros _._

 _Ah, you humans with your romantic love! You claim to prize this above all else. You write poetry about it. So much poetry! Your Shakespeare was especially prolific on the subject. Music, art, philosophical treatises, novels... You teach your children to aspire to that monogamous life-long bond above all else. Your romantic comedies instruct you to be ruthless in your pursuit of_ Eros _; if the object of your desire declines your advances then you should ask again, and again, and again... until they inevitably say ‘yes’—which seems to me to be at odds with the Federation value of individual autonomy. And you fall in_ erotic _love so easily! As I understand it, it is not uncommon for humans to have five or six relationships of this kind and experience many more crushes—or feelings of romantic desire for another—throughout their lifetime._

 _Here, we Cardassians stand in contrast to you Humans my dear Doctor. We do not elevate_ Eros _to such high status and we do not experience it nearly as frequently. We do not marry for_ Eros _as you generally do. Take myself, for example: I have felt_ Eros _only with one other. Our love of State, family, and our fellow Cardassians must come first. We are permitted_ Eros _, but it is not the done thing to flaunt it and there may be serious personal and professional consequences for those who do. Some make great personal sacrifices for it—Palandine, Mila... and I did too, although I did not realise I was doing so until it was too late. My father, Enabran Tain, somehow managed to have both_ Eros _and avoid significant sacrifice; my mother took the brunt._

_2-_ Philia _._

 _I may be inexperienced in_ Eros _compared to you, my dear Doctor, but_ Philia _I can relate to! And the jealousy you Humans normally reserve for your romantic interests I admit I have felt toward my friends._

_Humans do not value friendship the way we Cardassians do. You typically form many concurrent friendships—some deeper than others—but you discard your friends like old garments when you no longer have need of them. Cardassians make fewer friends—it seems we prefer to collect enemies—but those we do have we are loyal to. In our closest friendships we share an intimacy I have not witnessed between Humans, at least in public, anyway. We thrive on physical affection between friends. More than just a passing hug or a handshake—I’ve noticed that between human men especially there is a tendency toward only the briefest of touches. Perhaps you find that same intimacy with romantic partners that we find with our closest friends? And perhaps in your bond with your children? Yes, that is certainly very strong in Humans. But for those of you who are unattached and without children, how do you stand the loneliness? How do you satisfy your need for physical closeness?_

_Tell me Doctor, you were single for much of our time together on_ DS9 _, how did you manage so long without deep physical intimacy? Or was there more to your adventures in the holosuits with Chief O’Brien than I was aware of? Forgive me, my dear, that was uncalled for; my jealousy is showing again._

_“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody” wrote your 20th Century Earth author James Thurber. If I may be candid, haven’t you and I been through so much together Doctor?_

_3-_ Storge __

 _Familial love. Here we find common ground between our species again, although I do wonder if our Carsdassian_ Storge _is more akin to the Klingon_ Storge _then the Human. As we say on Cardassia, “Family is all”. I have noticed that while_ Storge _is strong among Human sibling children and between them and their parents, that it can often weaken into adulthood. Take your own relationship with your parents, Doctor, I understand you do not keep in regular contact._

 _Again, Humans tend to downplay the value of_ Storge _, often leaving the familial home upon marriage, rather than living in inter-generational households such as we do. I admit, my own experience of_ Storge _was not a typically Cardassian one, given that I drifted from the people I assumed to be my parents during my adolescence. And my relationship with Tain was always... complicated. My exile to_ Terok Nor _still evokes feelings of shame in me at the disgrace it brought upon my family._

 _My lineage complicates my attitude to_ Storge _: Cardassians place so much value on family and heritage, and children born outside of enjoinment do not generally enjoy the benefits of family. Contemplating_ Storge _has bought up some painful memories for me, Doctor, but I think perhaps Tolan’s love for me and mine for him would be described best as_ Storge _._

_4-_ Agape __

 _It seems both Humans and Cardassians have a history of practising_ Agape _inconsistently. “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” said one of your Human prophets, and yet Earth has a long history of war and conflict. Rwanda, your World Wars... even when it came to your literal neighbours Humans have failed at_ Agape _. Take early 21st Century Britain for example: the way those who claimed indigenous heritage turned on their immigrant neighbours—this was encouraged by government policies of course—but where was Humanity’s_ Agape _then?_

 _I fear I am being too harsh on your kind, Doctor. Cardassians do not fare much better. In general we may feel love toward our fellow Cardassians, but that does not extend to our orphans—although I think we are beginning to make change in this regard, what with the numbers of war orphans it is simply not sustainable for the future of Cardassia to cast them out. Neither does it extend beyond our species, at least not beyond a few individual exceptions—I hope I am not flattering myself when I count myself among these individuals—my time on_ DS9 _taught me much about_ Agape _. We did what we did on Bajor because we left our_ Agape _at home on Cardassia. We forgot the Bajorans were our neighbours and part of our wider galactic community. That was shameful, but I am optimistic that—with the way things are with the political success of the Reunion Project—we Cardassians will not be so quick to forget our_ Agape _the next time it suits us._

 _Personally, I am rediscovering and reinventing my_ Agape _. In building and tending my memorial and in propagating my orchids, I express my love for Cardassia and its people. I so wish you could see it. The Tailor’s Grounds really are a sight to behold. Is it conceited of me to express a little pride in my work, my dear Doctor?_

_5-_ Ludus __

 _What a fascinating concept! Cardassians are not known for our sense of fun, but_ Ludus _is one of the types of love I seem to have an aptitude for, despite my species’ natural tendency toward seriousness. I myself only discovered the full value of_ Ludus _after my exile to_ Terok Nor _in my interactions with a wider variety of humanoids._

 _It seems Humans place a great deal of moral judgement on those who are predisposed toward_ Ludus _. It’s almost Cardassian the way you punish one another socially—and sometimes judicially through the divorce courts—for_ Ludic _behaviour. Why do you place so much valued on monogamy when so many of your species have no disposition for it? And why do you so often interpret flirting as insincere? Your Greek philosophers described_ Ludus _as “the kind of love felt by young children”. Why do you infantilise it so? I’ve witnessed Humans engage in_ Ludus _with the utmost sincerity. Take Miles and Keiko O’Brien, for example: their relationship is based on a mix of light teasing and absolute respect for each other._

_Forgive me dear Doctor, it is unfair of me to ask you to answer on behalf of your entire species, but perhaps you could illuminate the subject for me somewhat?_

_I have a confession to make: I fear I may have overplayed the flirting in our friendship, Doctor. It is a pitfall of my training. I impersonated_ Ludus _so often to lure a mark I forgot to tone it down when my feelings were genuine. Oh listen to me Doctor! Distance is making me unusually candid and I may live to regret writing this. You know me well and you know I crave attention. I know you do too—we are kindred spirits in that regard—and_ Ludus _satisfies that craving so perfectly. I hope you can see my flirting for what it was: genuine affection. There really was no subterfuge behind it... well, maybe just a little, but you know by now I never really was ‘plain and simple Garak’ and I think you enjoyed the intrigue, didn’t you?_

_6-_ Pragma __

 _Ah, the basis of a Cardassian enjoinment! I never much cared for_ Pragma _in my younger days. It always felt like... settling for something. Why make two people unhappy? I suspect my attitude was shaped by my role models. Mila and Tolan weren’t exactly a great advertisement for_ Pragma _, although I think it was there, along with_ Storge _and maybe even a little_ Philia _, somewhere underneath it all. They were siblings, yes, but they raised a child together in order to avoid social shame for Mila and ostracism for me. There must have been some love underneath it all in order to sustain it for so many years._

 _These days I can see_ Pragma _’s appeal: make some compromises, get your needs met; trade household chores or financial support for stability. Yes, I can see how that might work, assuming_ Pragma _wasn’t the only type of love involved... Anyway, I am digressing into a little fantasy of my own; I will not bore you with further details my dear._

 _Humans are quite smug in asserting they have moved beyond_ Pragma _as a basis for marriage, but I don’t think you’ve entirely left it behind. It’s one of those aspects of your nature you like to ignore. We’re not so different from you, us Cardassians. We just choose to value our predisposition to_ Pragma _and even elevate it to a position where_ Pragmatic _matches are prized above all else. Again, it seems I’m an outlier in this aspect. Perhaps this makes us a more ‘backward’ society compared to Humans, or perhaps our explicit acknowledgement of our_ pragmatism _makes us more advanced? I don’t know, and I don’t much care for a competition, but it would do both our cultures good to consider the view from the other side occasionally, don’t you think, dear Doctor?_

_7-_ Philautia

_“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”. That’s another of your Earth philosophers, one Audre Lorde. She had a lot of wise words, that woman._

_We Cardassians, we need to re-learn self-love. We have suppressed it for too long._ Storge _,_ Agape _and_ Pragma _have been placed above_ Philautia _and we’ve reaped destruction because of it._

 _You, Doctor, with your Federation ‘work-life balance’ you always talked about. Is that_ Philautia _? Ensuring your own wellbeing so you can continue to serve your community? Can_ Philautia _actually lead to a deeper_ Agape _? Did we get it all upside down on Cardassia? I apologise for firing questions at you again my dear, especially when you’re not here in person to answer them, but I do want to see if we can build some_ Philautia _into the foundations of our new Cardassia. I think we would benefit greatly from some self-love._

 __Philautia _can be a hard thing to re-learn, as I’m discovering. Especially for someone with my history. That Romulan, for example—the one I killed with the orchids—I didn’t know him! In fact he seemed quite amenable... and he had grandchildren, Doctor. I killed him because I was told to. Simply, blindly following orders. How can I love myself when I’ve done what I’ve done? How can I begin to forgive myself without minimising the terrible acts I’ve committed? I am working on it though. My dear friend Kelas Parmak—whom I once interrogated!—has forgiven me; I hope that with time I can be as generous to myself._

_Will you forgive me too, dear Doctor? You know most of what I’ve done; all the worst bits, anyway. I won’t hold it against you if you can’t, but please, consider it for your old friend Garak?_

_My dear, this letter has turned out to be much longer than I anticipated and the light is fading. May I remind you of my standing invitation for you to visit? I do miss you terribly and you would be most welcome here at any time. We Cardassians are not adept at direct discussion of our emotions, but I have tried to be as honest about myself as a old spy can be. Love is a big and messy concept and I hope I have expressed myself adequately. Do visit soon, please. I think we have established that I am a needy old man who craves your attention and your touch. I hope at least some of what I feel is reciprocated and that you can at least indulge me a little._

_Very best wishes,_

_Elim Garak_

 

——

 

_Garak, you persuasive old charmer! Starfleet has granted me six weeks’ leave. I will be on the next shuttle. Must dash—much to do here. See you the day after tomorrow. In haste- JB.  
P.s, No need to make up a bed—I’ll share yours. _

**Author's Note:**

> This kinda contradicts the bits in the previous fics in this series where they’re trying to work out their feelings for each other after Bashir arrives on Cardassia, but I haven’t planned out the whole series—I’m just writing as I think of something—so the contradictions will have to stand.  
> More info on the seven types of love: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love


End file.
